Influences

Aaron Sorkin inspired me to write. Joss Whedon inspired me to dream. 

Thank you both muchly.

Trying Something Different...

Carmen runs on the trail snaking through the woods.

There’s nothing chasing her, but she pushes her body to a punishing tempo, suggesting otherwise.

No, Carmen isn’t running from any physical danger.

Carmen is trying to escape herself.

- - - - -

Zack wanders through the woods halfheartedly.

He understands that his search is futile; however, the eager-eyed optimistic tween at home doesn’t.

But, Zack’s brother is dying.

The only thing Zack can do to help is look for something that doesn’t exist.

 - - - - -

Someone reads a story.

They understand that woods means life.

They understand all the metaphors.

 

Condoms...

The best way to familiarize yourself with condoms for that faithful, soon to come (no pun intended... wow, this just got a million times dirtier than I wanted it to be...) day? 

Open up the Health Ed's leftover box of 'em at the end of the school year and proceed to putting anything you possibly can into them. A surprising number of objects fit into them, including, but not limited to: 

Cellphones

Cooler Bottles

Staplers

Phone Receivers

Salt Shakers

Keys

Key with Key Cards

Door Knobs

Shower Heads (incidentally, when the shower head is turn on the condom fills with water, producing a distinct 'teardrop' shape)

Speakers

(the top half of) Canola Oil

Hands/Arms

Feet/Legs

Vacuum Cleaner Handles 

Other Condoms

Sandals

...etc. 

(note that all these things will remain lube-y and gross even after the eventual condom removal)

And it takes a curiously long time for people to figure out what you're doing, although you are drunk, and giddy, take a bunch of condoms, disappear, and return with none, all the while laughing manically... -- but in these cases, you can make a game out of it: "Hide and Go Seek Condom!" 

(... also note that you must remember where condoms are placed, especially if there are family members scheduled for a visit the morning after, to the room in question)

>>>> Actually, all of this HAS a moral, as hard as it may be to see... Again, no pun intended... Erhh, yes. Moral- if all these things can fit into a condom, there's no excuse not to use one for what it was... intended to be used for. 

**HOME IN THREE SLEEPS!!!!**

... should really get to sleep, I have a final tomorrow at seven in the evening... 

res

The toilet paper is rougher than the ones in the public buildings; 

the chairs provided mysteriously seem to not actually fit under the desks (reconciled with post-its); 

milk crates taken from the alleyway of 'Feel-Awful' and Tastes and washed in the shower are your storage units; 

a bed half-heartedly made and less than four articles of clothing on the back of your seat qualifies your room as 'neat'; 

the wall heater/AC dutifully keeps you warm while it's off, even in 25+ weather; 

you tape post-its to the door to keep the rattling from keeping you up; 

you're neighbors door keeps you up instead; 

there is an angry 'FUCK YOU' letter on the fridge door in the kitchen bitching out someone who steals half-eaten subs; 

you don't go to sleep until six in the morning. the sun rises at 5;

there are finally posters and pictures on your wall;

they keep falling;

post-its rectify any problem... except the falling posters;

a note on two pages of yellow legal pad taped across the door saying, 'Did you remember towels?';

it takes two or three trips to the bathroom to actually get everything together for a shower;

there are huge dark clumps of other peoples hair shoved into the corners of said shower;

an ethernet cable is needed to get internet connection;

there's a fly infestation; 

the majority of the socks brought in the beginning of the year have been cut up and are strangely useful;

three am is an appropriate time to finish an essay... or start one;

watched the entire series of himym;

watched at least three times, four or five for some episodes;

watched seven seasons of buffy;

one of angel (will be two);

all of firefly;

two of the big bang;watched all youtube clips of nph;

and alyson hannigan;

and everyone involved with the first four above;

the incense smell in the hall is not supposed to be there;

neither is the toaster your roommate has in your room;

your neighbor laughs and you feel like they're in your room;

cue wondering what seinfield said that was so funny;

the unfathomable amounts of crap in the common room free to take because the international students only had 2 bags of luggage;

midnight seems like a good time to vacuum for some people;

people yell in the hall and it takes minutes to realize it's your Don and you're supposed to be in a house meeting at the moment;

takes five minutes after getting into the elevator to realize it's not moving;

people who take the elevator to the first/second/third floor are openly berated;

spontaneously spending the night without calling anyone so they won't worry;

you know that the second and last bathroom stalls are the only ones that lock properly, the first has a funny toilet and the third has the best potty-paper;

you can recite this months potty-paper;

the sinks in either end 

you can play 'where's the blood on the wall' from last years haunted house... there's still a faint tinge of ketchup in the air;

microwaving popcorn at three in the morning is perfectly normal- at least yours is low-calories;

not really relevant, just something i've been thinking about...

I hate that moment in your life when you realize that your parents aren't perfect. When you start seeing their flaws and you're no longer a naive five-years old, holding their hand and looking up at them like they're Gods and they can do no wrong in the world. 

When the hell does that moment happen? And why can't we just ignore it forever?

EDIT>> but also, it does feel nice being treated as an equal. Getting to know them as people and not parents. Laughing with them and seeing their personalities... it's weird, isn't it?

Five times in 8 months?

So I don't really have anything specific to say except...

I changed the furniture around in my room again. I showed my Mom and she said, 'I have no idea where this compulsion to change your room comes from' but in Polish. I really don't know either. It provides some good entertainment though. Scenario: 

There is a pile of random stuff and my guitar stuff right in front of the door. My bed is in the middle of the room. My desk is halfway to the place it's supposed to be and my dressers against the non-window wall. I've got Commentary! going, and I'm vacuuming the dead flies up from under the heater (which means they've fallen onto my bed and then down through that space- ecikk!!) and, because they're dead flies, I'm also SCREAMING my head off. Somehow through all this I managed to hear the phone- which was apparently ringing for the second time. When I went to pick up the phone the base fell off the heater and smashed into the ground. The faceplate almost popped off. 

It was utter chaos. 

And then Chris walked in, saw the utter chaos, turned around and closed the door. Came back 15 seconds later and said, 'What. The. Hell.' 

It was awesome. 

It's cold in my room. 

Spike Lee was supposed to direct the Rent movie the first time they considered it. Wonder if  Johnathan Larson ever imagined that could even be a possibility when he wrote the line, "I hear Spike Lee's shooting down the street"?

Neil Patrick Harris was supposed to be Mark in the TV special they were thinking of making. OBC or NPH? AH!!!! Situation that truly requires a 'Grr, Argh'. 

Inherently Lonely

Sumthin' tha's sor'a like a'most sumthing tha's a'most like a song... not sure wot I'm goin' ta do wif it thou'. 

--Edit: Changed the title to Inherently Lonely... figured it fit. 

- - - - -

Inherently Lonely 

- - - - - 

A thousand miles away,

The feeling’s understandable.

 

A hundred miles away,

It makes sense that you’d feel

 

Something in your heart

Something heavy black and hard

 

It’s weighting you down,

It’s making you question-

 

But when you’re there,

Where you’re supposed to be,

 

Why does it keep feeling like

You’re a thousand miles away?

 

The heavy black and hard

Finding a way to fight the cure

 

Maybe the cure isn’t what you thought?

Maybe it’s not distance or time that sets you apart?

Maybe it’s the isolation you build for yourself,

Two-way mirrors that let you look in,

But keep you hidden from their view?

 

The expectation makes it harder,

The foreign space makes it colder,

 

And you’re left with a feeling,

That too resembles what you thought you’d left behind.

 

There’s nothing you can do about it,

There’s nothing you can see,

 

You feel like no one can understand it,

And those who might, just won’t

 

You want to find your footing,

You want to stop spastically drowning,

 

Thankful for anything, anyone who deters

But you find you still feel that feeling.

 

Maybe the cure isn’t what you thought?

Maybe it’s not distance or time that sets you apart?

Maybe it’s the isolation you build for yourself,

Two-way mirrors that let you look in,

But keep you hidden from their view?

 

Now the feeling’s gone and left,

Disappeared from your body

 

You can’t feel it when you walk,

When you talk,

When you smile,

When you laugh,

Only when you cry…

 

When you cry it all comes out,

Emotions, tears and snot,

 

You realize it never left,

That you’ve made yourself remember

 

That heavy, black and hard feeling,

You’ve made sure to preserve

 

It just makes sense to protect yourself,

Cause you know that soon you might be,

 

A thousand miles away,

And it’ll all make sense,

 

A hundred miles away,

And it’ll all make sense,

 

But until that day you’ll hold on to it,

Hold on to that feeling,

 

Because as much as holding onto it-

Doesn’t at all make sense,

 

You know you’ve prepared yourself,

And you’ll be thankful for it soon. 

The ^'s of Being Intolerable to Hot

So I was making myself some tea, cause, you know, yum! and somehow when I picked up (isn't it pathetic that I can't remember even though it literally happened... three minutes ago?) or I moved or something, it SPILT ALL OVER MY BLOODY HAND! 

Which was, okay, ow, but when I went to get some napkins (from my newly organized napkin cup) I looked over, and I swear, the tea cup has never looked as innocent as it did then, sitting over there on the dresser, surrounded by water, tea paper attached to the bag saturated... it BURNED ME! and it's got the nerve to be smug/innocence/not at all repentant of what'd it done to me!!

And then I realized that I (and I guess we, as a society/the global world) put too much blame on inanimate objects. Think about it, how many times have you said, "Stupid pencil, breaking!" or "Stupid shoes getting wet" or... I don't know. But I know what I mean :) 

Good thing I didn't let it boil all the way or I'd have more than slightly redder, mildly irritated skin right now...

gahughhh!

I don't know if I've noted this yet... but I seriously like, require a roommate to go to sleep at a sane hour. It's five in the morning. Well, twenty too, but that's beside the point- - it'll be five by the time I actually get into bed... Grr, argh. (which I realize now is the right way to spell it, but screw it, I'm gonna keep texting Grr, arg to everyone :P) 

Hope everyone's having fun in New York and I hope they all get back safely! Love those guys... :D

Okay, well, my essay's done, my tutorial question's done, I've started writing two songs for the super awesome action musical of mine (permission to laugh granted, goodness knows I'd be doing it if I weren't dead on my feet) (...) (mmm, undead, Spike...)

Yeah, I slept in a bathtub on Saturday. That was a whole bunch of fun. Actually, I'm not even being sarcastic, everything that night was fun, except the little part before the bathtub. No, it wasn't me barfing. 

GAHUGHHHH!!!!

art

"It's like... Part of me sees it as this thing that's so simple, and honest and organic, that's just about the expression of feelings. And then i see how hard everyone is trying to describe it and i just feel like it's been made into something that's complicated and hard to define, not cause it's hard to define, but because people need it to be hard to define. Like instead of saying 'everything' they try to figure out everything that is and justify that when it just is." 

I read a super rad article that solidified my opinion- because you know what? Everything is ultimately about feelings; stories are simply, and have been, a convenient and conventional way of portraying this. The article (Life in the Shit Factory, Darren O'Donnell) says:

"... stories are simply one tool among many. What theatre is really about - like any other form - is generating affect, and that's it. Feelings. And, if things go well, quickly following feelings will be thought." 

catching up...

so i really shouldn't be doing this cause i have two essays, three lectures to catch up on, a tutorial question and, y'know, those pesky film blogs... and, you know, school ends in a month cause my school's stupid like that... grr, arg. which i say a lot now, apparently.

first of all, castle rules. so so so sweet. i mean, come'on! a guy who's singing his own theme song in a car pretending he's fighting bad guys and then have the bad guy FALL on the car, and then have him ACTUALLY fight the bad guys while the theme song starts going on in the background?! AWESOME!!! carly now thinks i'm insane cause i was squealing the entire time and giggling when "nothing funny was happening". but it was so so so good. 

buffy comics= awesome. that's it, they're just amazing. won't write my favs yet cause a certain someone has to finish it, which also scratches my buffy series wrap up, but it's all good! 

spring awakening was killer. so so so good, although there was this guy sitting in front of me who was really tall, and there was a guy sitting in front of him who was really tall... it was like freaking dominoes, chinese guy would move, angry tall caucasian would move and i'd have to shift further into the personal seat space of the guy beside me- but amy and julie had good seats, so it's all good. 

but it was awesome. seriously, seeing all the songs in context, watching those actors and actresses, getting drawn into the story, the frustrations, the successes and (unfortunately) many downfalls was... refreshing, enlightening, whatever. "Left Behind" is possibly the saddest song- julie cried, said that she couldn't stand it when parents cried for their kids----

Sidebar; i don't cry in shows. when i went to go see rent i didn't cry (seeing their faces may have helped, but oh well), when i saw rent in the theatre, amy was balling (she cried during spring too) and i was like, humph, that's sad. 

what else to catch up on that i won't be writing separate blogs on... dad's birthday today- happy birthday!

--- LOOK AT ME, I'M DANCING CRAZY! ----

and now, something i wrote in my essay (which i realized i had to do at three in the morning the day it was due...), but i think this is the only thing really believe (even though all of it i guess i believe, but i still don't agree that it should be so complicated, art is about being organic and true to yourself and what you're trying to say no matter how you're trying to say it. the very essence of art is simple, it's... maybe they're just doing that thing where they overcomplicate something because it's so simple that they don't understand it. they have to make it complicated so that they don't have to admit to not understanding... anyhow,:

"It is through our creativity that we make links and that we are able to modify, expand and reevaluate our own conceptual map so that for those few hours we can all share an experience and through discourse participate in what was and is currently being created for us. Through a common discourse and the institution of the theatre, a community comes together to create an experience that draws on what we know and what we need, what we aspire to do and what we are inspired to do."  

when spike looks to buffy in the barn and says "help me." my heart breaks a little. he's so utterly pathetic, confused, helpless, hopeless, [insert synonym] that... it's so sad. and then buffy goes and tells him that she believes he's a changed man and he can be a good man, and then he gets kidnapped and he refuses to give up hope that she's coming for her, and then she DOES and he just looks at her like he can't believe it, like even though he'd been saying it the entire time, it was still something he didn't really think was happening... like he believed she'd come, yeah, but also wouldn't be mad if she didn't... and then she did... so so so amazing. 

i have a lot of batteries.

(obsessive) 

 

also, when spike says, "no i'll save her, THEN i'll kill her!", he has absolutely, no, freakin', clue as to where in the hell he's going. his dedication is touching. 

banff!!! (2?)

(1) we started off at the hot springs- if you're going to go, go in the morning cause once noon rolls around lots of people start showing up- if you go in the morning, everyone's coming while you're going :) so we left and ate food in the car (strawberries, grapes, a slice of pickle, a small pita pocket, a couple things of lettuce (this is the third time i'm writing this because the first time i used the arrow key.... UGH!!!) because we're not supposed to eat meat today. we went to starbucks for coffee/snacks on the way back mom saw a bear. "look at the bear! it's big! sandra, go, i'll take a picture of you!" "okay! BEAR FIVE! (2)" (small kid with father) "look'it!" (father, deadpan) "yes. it's a bear." while me and mom pose for another picture. went to car but decided to walk through "central park". yeah, not that one, the one in banff. huge rock with kids climbing/all around it. tore away from dad's restraining arms and climbed up it (3). i'm cookie. ate bear paw (4)- tastes like hershey bar but... worse. but now i'm officially canadian. river running though banff ends in falls- sign saying "danger falls ahead" which is punny (cause the pointy stick person is 'falling' of the 'falls'. warning sign (5) makes me very very, oh so happy. 

(1)  (2)  (3) 

                                                       

(4)  (5)

we kept walking in central park and i started playing with the camera, taking a bunch of pictures of myself and (6) was one i liked :P my parents were started to get annoyed with me though, cause i was kinda really hyper. there was also a black lab that had a stick in his mouth as  long as he was and it kept hitting the rocks and stuff- the dog looked so happy with himself :P we started heading back and dad wanted to go see the falls so we went to go see the falls and sat on a bench. i took pictures and annoyed everyone until mom took the camera away from me but i did manage to get (7) before that happened. and i saw a really cool cloud that looked kinda like a goblin (8)... i think i've watched too much buffy :P this old(er) guy started a snowball fight with his family and i think he played baseball or something cause he was awesome. then there english people showed up and were right in front of us and were talking, which was awesome cause they're accents were so cool. then the one kid slipped and fell into the ice and got his "trousers" entirely wet and he got a good cheer from the crowd to- it was hilarious. 

(6)  (7) 

(8)  (9)

       

dad decided he wanted to go up the gondalia so up we went while mom (who said it wasn't her thing) stayed at the bottom. we were really high up (9) and some nice dude asked if we wanted him to take a picture of the two of us, which was really nice of him (10). then i started taking pictures of myself again (11). i think i took 100 pictures up there? mom asked me to document it well :P on the way down i made a video (it took 7:17 minutes to go top to bottom... we had to share a car with this asian dad and his kid... the kid was giggling for a little while and i was laughing cause it was so weird and random). we went to lake... miswesagee? something like that. it was really really windy (12) but really nice and mountain-y. i started fooling around with the camera again (13). then i realized my sunglasses were really reflect-y so i started trying to get a good shot of them (14). i took a lot of these... mom was not impressed :P but she did agree to take one final picture of me on the rocks!! (15) then we came home, watched the game (flames... wow, really?)/showered/tea'd it up/they turned in early cause they're lame. granted, we did wake up at 7 (ugh, i went to sleep like... 2?) but it was all in all a fun yet tiring day. 

ended up with 209 pictures or something like that. i shouldn't be allowed near a camera...

(10)  (11)  (12)

   

(13)  (14)

       

(15)

 - - - - - 

i miss shoveling. <3 

being home rocks.

So An Era Ends..

Or not really... I finished watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer series today. At least 25 episodes in the past three days. It's been a good time. Probably post up a blog about the most memorable things that happened, but only after a certain someone finishes watching so it's spoiler free ;) 

I don't know what I'm going to do... probably work, and that's a good thing. And I guess I can always go back and re-watch the series... That could be a possibility. I think Spike and Anya were my favorite characters, Spike because, well, he's awesome and all tormented and messed up and Anya cause... who can't love someone who's afraid of bunnies? Jeepers, that character was amazing. Gonna miss 'em all. 

It was raining... and then it started snowing... and now it's snowing in April. 

And I'm about this > |   | close to saying 'Screw you York! I don't speak latin very well but that's not the point!' Or at least the first part and not the last, although the last is true... but not really relevant. So York expects me to wait until mid-June to find out whether or not I'm going to be going to school in Toronto? I get that they can't accept me without knowing my marks but it's completely ridiculous to leave me in the dark about my chances! I need to take care of housing! I need to figure out if my stuff's going to need to be stored for the summer. I want to know what I'm doing next year!! 

First the strike and now this bullshit. I'm seriously not impressed. Apparently this school doesn't give a shit about it's students or care about inconveniencing them. I'm not sure if I want to graduate and have this school attached to my name. 

Feeling: 

(pissedalltohell)

Ps. I think my roommate harbors a not-so-secret grudge that I seemingly have no work to do while she's slaving away at the books. 

with permission from diggy:

tamara is annoyingly pesky. 

hehehehee. tehehehe. 

ambience

someone petting your hair for a good half hour when you've got a great buzz going, surrounded by people you've come to call friends; it's one of the most relaxing things i've ever experienced. 

try it one day. you won't regret it. 

feeling: 

curtain call

So... no more show. I'm going to miss it. Seriously. And just when I thought Chris couldn't do "Hey Kel, big hug!" differently... Jeez that guy's funny. They're both amazing. Never had so much fun fun in rehearsals... 

Doesn't help that I'm realizing things that have long long passed; I'm not in Calgary; I'm not in Lethbridge; and I'm stupid sick- not to mention I've watched the most depressing series of episodes I think I've ever watched... which gets me thinking to what I would do if certain things happened to the people I love in my life. How I would react... 

But I got my friends, no matter how far away; got my hat. Got my friends, basically. 

Feeling: 

(love you guys. (my friends :P))

Geese

Okay, what exactly do geese have to do at three thirty in the MORNING! Jeepers creepers dudes, go squawk somewhere else- I'm not INTERESTED in your MIGRATIONAL dilemmas!

Sidebar: there's something seriously wrong with my alarm and/or I conked out like nobodies business last night. I don't think my roomie even woke me...

Feeling:

(just imagine barney's my school work and the girl's everything else in the world)

(... and i'm ted)

 - - - - -

My garbage smells like moss... I wonder what's in there that's decomposing... should probably throw it out...

5 am

Things due Wednesday=

- 5 minute guitar presentation

- film blog on divorce

- facs 1010 midterm (shit!)

- facs participation evaluation

- (Thursday) phil 1000 bonus question

- it's election week... oh joy

Also- I don't think I've ever had so much fun bickering with someone at five in the morning. It was very amusing, although by the end of the three and three quarter hours ripping tape and taking the sticky side off my fingers was actually painful. I'm talking serious, I-want-to-cry-to-my-Mommy painful. 

Feeling:

(busy)

P.S. MacBook's have a very sharp edge. I have a piece of cloth wrapped around my left forearm and part of my sock on my right forearm...

 - - - - - 

I miss my homies. <3