Condoms...

The best way to familiarize yourself with condoms for that faithful, soon to come (no pun intended... wow, this just got a million times dirtier than I wanted it to be...) day? 

Open up the Health Ed's leftover box of 'em at the end of the school year and proceed to putting anything you possibly can into them. A surprising number of objects fit into them, including, but not limited to: 

Cellphones

Cooler Bottles

Staplers

Phone Receivers

Salt Shakers

Keys

Key with Key Cards

Door Knobs

Shower Heads (incidentally, when the shower head is turn on the condom fills with water, producing a distinct 'teardrop' shape)

Speakers

(the top half of) Canola Oil

Hands/Arms

Feet/Legs

Vacuum Cleaner Handles 

Other Condoms

Sandals

...etc. 

(note that all these things will remain lube-y and gross even after the eventual condom removal)

And it takes a curiously long time for people to figure out what you're doing, although you are drunk, and giddy, take a bunch of condoms, disappear, and return with none, all the while laughing manically... -- but in these cases, you can make a game out of it: "Hide and Go Seek Condom!" 

(... also note that you must remember where condoms are placed, especially if there are family members scheduled for a visit the morning after, to the room in question)

>>>> Actually, all of this HAS a moral, as hard as it may be to see... Again, no pun intended... Erhh, yes. Moral- if all these things can fit into a condom, there's no excuse not to use one for what it was... intended to be used for. 

**HOME IN THREE SLEEPS!!!!**

... should really get to sleep, I have a final tomorrow at seven in the evening...